Two weeks of agony

I have had a long break from active blogging. And that was because I was living in a dream. But before that golden dream was a very dark phase. The two weeks from April 12th to 26th.

The final results for the admissions to the IIMs were withheld because of the quota issue. And the D-Day which was supposed to be 12th April was pushed back several times. I spent most of the time on Pagalguy (for the uninitiated, it is THE MBA discussion for anything related to CAT).

So here is how a typical day at office after April 12th went:

I reach office around 12. Actually it is just about 12 and so I am tempted to put 11:55 in the register (It has a kind of psychological effect that I at least reached office in the morning). I see the security person and say with a smile, "Good Morning!"
He frowns. Looks at it watch and replies, " Good Afternoon Sir!"
I give him a frown (and he is smiling now; That security guard is a sadist, I tell you).

Entering office, most of the people have already come in and everyone looks up to me with a questioning face. Then while I am just logging in, someone comes about and asks "Kya yaar! Results aa gaye kya?" And though I am mightily irritated by this question, I try to put up a smile and say, "Nahi re.. Abhi tak toh nahi aaye.. Dekhte hai aaj ki news mein kya hai?"

I settle myself into the chair, drink some water (how nice that I don't even have to get up from my place to fetch water!) and run through Outlook with a detached attitude. There is always a Good Morning mail from my sister (along with some sort of inspirational message) and I wonder when was the last time I read a Good Morning mail in the morning. Within five minutes, I am done with checking my mails and I am already onto PaGalGuY on the "Results frozen" thread for the latest developments on the quota issue. Also, I use Google News to keep track of any news on that issue.

Another 15-20 minutes and I am through with updating myself (though the update is only that the Govt is trying "all legal and constitutional measures" to resolve the quota issue and is "acting in the best interests of students from all sections of the society"). I curse the govt and the politicians who are always emphasizing the "sections" in our society. It is now time for my morning(?) tea and I look for people to accompany me to the canteen outside office. Almost always, I do find someone to come along (either willingly or unwillingly after my coaxing) and I try to rid myself of thoughts about the quota and results. But whenever I do not want to think of something, that is exactly what I am thinking about (some sort of Murphy's Law) and I find myself utterly depressed and helpless. Nevertheless, I enjoy the small walk to the canteen and the cup of tea does help me relax myself.

The next one hour is spent with several refreshes of both the Results Frozen thread and the Google News Page (the latter does reload by itself periodically but then it always feel better to see a page reloading before your eyes). There is some intermittent work to be done but I either delegate it to an intern (our precious Murgi :P) or just do it myself with the least possible amount of interest and concentration.

And then it is lunch time. Either I am feeling damn hungry because I want to be somehow away from the workplace (to stop refreshing those forum pages) or my colleagues have had some sort of Lembas bread that keeps them from feeling hunger. The next fifteen minutes are spent coaxing people to drop whatever they are doing and go out for lunch immediately. But then the next question that comes forth is, "Where do we go for lunch?" There are really very few options at this and the scorching sun adds further to our misery. Most of the times we have to wait for about 10-15 min before we get a place to sit in the restaurant (Bangalore definitely needs more good quality restaurants). The food does not interest me at all and I simply try to divert my mind from any thoughts of the results. The company of my friends at lunch lightens my mood and I am cheerful again on my way back.

Again some more time spent refreshing news pages and cursing the government and then reluctantly trying to concentrate at the work at hand. Solving a couple of sudokus in the afternoon helps keep sleep at bay. Soon enough, it is 4:30PM and I find willing company for a cup of tea. More often than not, the tea time discussions drift to CAT results and the childish behavior of the government but it again helps to vent out the frustration. I return and post a few replies on Pagalguy after having read the afternoon updates. Most of these updates are frustrations of working junta all over India who are narrating their woes and easing their pain. The mutual support of PG members for each other was simply amazing. Once in a while though, someone posts a fake result link that makes my heart jump. But the most I can do is post an angry response or read other angry responses. I feel utterly depressed as if a Dementor in the form of AS is sucking out every happy emotion out of me.

The evening has more work for me. The work is quite boring stuff; nothing new. But then it had stopped being anything new a long time back. Why am I feeling the intensity of boredom at work so strongly now? Probably I can blame it on the MHRD. How can they announce a meeting to be held at 8pm, meet at 8:45pm and then after 45 min decide that some allies are not represented and just postpone it to the next day? That is the height of irresponsibility. And in the meantime, the news channels are playing havoc by spreading rumors and making equivocal headlines. "Down with coalition politics and free media!", I scream silently.

Another day goes down and no results are out. People are more worried about when the results would be declared rather than what the result would be. But still there is that mystical thing called hope which keeps us going through yet another day just like the earlier one. And life moves on. Will write soon about THE D-DAY (27th April).